So my problem is I don’t like doing dishes and overall cleaning of the kitchen as a part of my job position’s responsibility.
I think it is too much – I get angry over it – I complain about it – and I find it unfair
When I wash the dishes, and put away the cutlery/silverware, wash the buckets, clean the blue bowls and sponges, putting the glass jugs in the washing machine, washing/cleaning the bowls from the school kitchen, sometimes even putting up chairs – I complain, I get angry, I don’t like it.
I understand I don’t like it, but it’s no excuse to go into the mind and to get interested in there, getting comfortable in there. That is when it becomes a problem – when I take a back seat in my mind and let the conscious thoughts and concerns swirl in my head. That is showing that I would rather enjoy and indulge in my mind, which is an illusionary reality that is only a distraction from what’s here, that also (through my allowance) take moments away from me, expressing me in the physical.
A resistance and personal unhappiness to washing dishes, and all the other specific kitchen work that was listed: I don’t like doing this, I don’t want to do this, why me, this is unfair… -internal conversations, preference, judgement, self-victimization, self-pity, helplessness, righteousness, anger
I don’t like doing this – preference, judgment, ungrateful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in preference with my job – where I make a statement ‘’I don’t like doing this,’’ within personal preference instead of considering that this is what I signed up for when I knew of this job position, therefore there is no point to complain since it was my decision to take on the responsibilities of the job position. Therefore, I realize the importance of making peace with this job responsibility because it is solely for the assistant, unless another teacher wants to help/take over the responsibility.
I commit myself to make peace with my job responsibility, knowing and acknowledging full well that I DECIDED AND KNEW of what this responsibility entailed, AND that I originally WELCOMED the job responsibility because it was a break from the children and quiet. Therefore, my preference of whether I like it or not does not matter because what matters is the physical responsibility needed for the kitchen in the kindergarten. I simply remind myself this is what I accepted as a responsibility and I can make the best out of it – I can listen to a recording, or do SF, I can when and as I am cleaning, do something with and for me that will support me in my life’s journey.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my job responsibility of cleaning the kitchen negatively by saying ‘’I don’t like doing this,’’ instead of ‘’womening up’’ and seeing the job for what it is – a kitchen with lots of dirty dishes and cutlery that requires to be washed for tomorrow’s lunch – simply as that and that any form of complaining or judgement of I don’t want to do this is not excuses nor allowed
I commit myself to take my job responsibility seriously by stopping the judgment, and complaining and simply using the opportunity I have with the dishes, to be with me and walk through any consciousness-relationship points
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be grateful for the opportunity to gain more money for working in the kitchen and the additional responsibilities that come with it because I know that I have an elitist job, compared to jobs and conditions other people like me exist in around the world
I commit myself to live in humbleness with my job position- utilizing where I am and wht I can do to create me into a better person
I don’t want to do this – preference, judgement, snobby/better than, anger with justifications
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect anger to the thought I don’t want to do this, and within this use justifications like ‘’I am tired’’ and ‘’this is not fair’’ to validate this anger
I commit myself to not allow the thought I don’t want to do this and participate in anger. Instead, I stop, breathe and remind me that yes, maybe I dont want to do it now, but it needs to get done – so I decide when it needs to get done – but it needs to get done today/tonight. The word here is being ASSERTIVE with me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify that I don’t want to do this by saying something like I am tired, or this is not fair, not realizing how shit that is compared to what NEEDS to be DONE in reality – which is to wash the dishes and cutlery, etc
I commit myself to challenge each justification and see the bullshit that they really are – such as ‘’I am tired’’ or ‘’this is not fair,’’
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how much of a snob I sound like when I say I don’t want to do this- it is as if I am better than doing that. I realize that doing dishes/cleaning the kitchen does not make one look better or worse but simply shows what needs to be done. I see in my words I make it seem like I am better than doing dishes – that doing dishes is LOWER than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and place belief that doing dishes in a school setting makes one look low in the system because workers in the school system do not get paid as much as the teachers and administrators, so in a way, yes lower in terms of paycheck/money gains, but not lower in equality as a being interconnected with all beings on this planet.
I commit myself to live humbleness doing dishes, washing them as me, being here with me and the dishes I wash, enjoying the water, the soap on my hands – staying present in enjoyment as much as possible
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